If I want to speak of spiritual experiences, I search my gut to see if the person is safe. A finger wagging no, seen in my mind's eye, may not even stop me. There is always my loose filter eager to burst forth and the child-like need for affirmation. There is a part of me saying fuck it, this is who I am, like it or leave it. Then there is the reality. Most don't talk to the dead. However, this does not mean many are not interested.
My biggest act of coming out is to answer people honestly when they ask what I do. I can tell some want a reading on the spot. Others raise an eyebrow in curiosity. And there are those for whom it simply isn't in their belief system, such as my agnostic husband.
Since I began reading tarot professionally three years ago, I have worked to come to terms with our spiritual differences. For the first time in twenty-nine years, I've felt the pain of having different beliefs than my husband. Again, I believe I was in search of affirmation from him--something that isn't going to happen. When I point out he's used intuition instead of logic as his guiding force, he denies it.
I'm working toward a place of acceptance. There will be no meeting of these very personal paths, at least for now. Agnosticism makes sense to him. As my sister-in-law says, how can I expect him to believe in something he's never experienced?
Wise words to fall back on. Wise words indeed.
